Life Vest Ocean (A Short Story)

I’m drowning in an ocean of life vests, trying to ignore them. But I relent. I’m searching for one that will work best and hold fast, but for God’s sake, or really my own, I need to just grab one!

The more options I have, the more I want to push back, trying to swim away taking on mouthfuls of salty water and eyes full of the foamy sea, as I stray, growing weary.

I feel so lonely, so lowly and un holy. I feel so un whole.

Instinctively, in my pain and pending death, I grab ahold of a lifejacket, not worrying the size, not taking notice to the warnings or weight ratings, for just hope it will preserve my life. As I throw it on, I start sinking, but as I paddle my feet, I manage to stay afloat.

I grab the next one in sight, and it keeps my head above water, yet is far too tight. I’m sticking with it until I see another one and grab it. This one is tattered and worn, ripped, clasps broken, yet stories untold could reach the depths of this ocean of the countless accounts of saving it has done.

But what floats in the distance is beyond comprehension or reason. After jumping ship and drifting out to sea, my captain had not stopped pitching me vests. He wouldn’t give up on me yet.

Although shame himself could have singlehandedly thrown me out into that vast blue, he chose to convince me to do it myself, concluding I did not even deserve to be. Why I listened after the offer of full forgiveness from the captain, I can not answer, but I listened to the lie that the price must be paid with my soul, even though the caption himself had paid the price in full.

And as I stare at this ocean of life vests, peering through, I see a life boat. A boat I know I do not deserve, and a boat I long for. Not just for the boat, but it’s contents as well! My captain himself left the rest for me. Still in the distance, I am left to decide: Stay here floating, temporarily servicing, alone and dying; or will I board the boat of safety, on top of the roaring sea and all of it’s creatures of malice, instead of in it, thriving, forgiven, united, and alive…

The answer seems simple, yet I hold back. What will it take for me to recieve the fullness of my captain’s saving?

The Unknown: The Safest Place to Be

Picture this: you, your biggest dream in life. Your most perfect, comfortable, safe and fun version of life. STOP! Don’t keep reading until you’ve thought this through. OK, now I’ll fill you in on mine so we can track together:

Me, a beautiful, Godly wife, a few children at some point, hopefully at least one being adopted. For my job/ministry, I would be an entrepreneur, helping businesses get started with a foundation of Christ to impact communities with honesty and generosity. I would also own a music venue, and possibly also a barber shop. I would have good teams and managers and live in community and sharing my house with anyone who needs to use it for events, quick stay, rehab, or whatever thing is most needed at this moment.

So, now maybe mine is simpler or more specific then yours, but what I’m getting at is we all have dreams and plans, but something else that might seem all the more present in our lives then our dreams are surprises that devastate us. We’ve all had either family or pets pass away out of nowhere, disease come in to our own or a loved one’s body, lost jobs, friends, or significant others. We’ve found ourself free from a struggle, To have it come back with a vengeance, be it addiction or dependence. If one or all of these things have happened to you or something just as devastating, you know it always comes at a time where it catches you off guard and you are forced to deal with it.

I was talking to a good friend, named Steve today and he was telling me about the ups and downs in his life, through high points of plenty to his wife getting cancer, where his faith and finances had been and still are being tested, years after the treatment and healing from the Lord. Also, I watching a production of the Broadway musical, Civil War performed by the Servant Stage Company in Lancaster and there was so much death, so much sadness, and brokenness and young love separated by war and just ounces of lead. From it came resulting freedom for some, changes in struggles for others, and tears that could possibly fill the hundreds of thousands of graves dug once the war had ended. (shameless plug, this company is amazing, performing professional caliber theatre at the price of “pay as you will”. Google them and check out a show next Sunday or at a future show!)

All of these circumstances and yours, the unexpected that came at times that life couldn’t have gotten any better or couldn’t have gotten any worse, there was that moment:

That moment, where you can’t tall if you’re dreaming or awake. That moment might be filled with silence, just trying to process if it’s real life, and sometimes weeping, because there’s pain or loss, or confusion, and you don’t even know how to process what has happened yet.

This is the most critical moment, because it brings you to the edge of a cliff with a blazing fire to your back. You must jump into the fog, the unknown. What do you do? Who can you turn to? Put yourself into this picture, label your cliff and your fire and last of all, where is your hope?

I’ve often tried to put my hope in people, medicine, myself, lust, and different habits or addictions, but each time, I found myself jumping toward them, hoping they would catch me. spoiler alert, they never lasted, but acted as a false security, like a net with a hole and the strings loosely tied together, but not mended to take my weight.

The one who caught me every time, even if I wasn’t looking for him to, is Jesus Christ. If you don’t know him more than just his name, it sounds crazy, but I’m sure he’s caught you plenty of times and didn’t even mention it. When we’re not relying on him for our strength, he might allow a couple bumps and bruises, but he cares for us.

The thing is, though, I don’t want to have to go through any more pain then necessary, naturally. The best way I’ve found, and this is from personal experience and several hundreds of others experiences I’ve personally heard first hand accounts from, that the best option to take at the edge of this cliff, is to enter the unknown, with confidence of the goodness of God. Engulfing oneself in prayer and seeking a deeper, personal relationship with Jesus and leaving all anxiety and fear at the edge of the cliff to be burned up, because no amount of worry will add a single day to your life.

The unknown is the safest place to be because it brings us to two options: jump in fear, or jump in faith.

How will you jump?

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:31-34

Losing Control (Poem)

I’m falling for the longing of a life of no control.
Of a life that’s void of restraints, and free of tolls.
These stations do nothing but slow down my bones.

Life is made to be taken by the horns, but when the bull is coming head on, I used to run.
Either option, to stay or run seems worthless, but no reasoning will stop the bulls from coming, so I will stop running and start fighting.

I’m falling for that longing of a life of no control.
Of a life I’ve given everything over to the creator of my soul.
And the desire rings on louder then a Rotary phone.

Life is made to be flown like a kite, and when negativity comes by, it can stand on by because I’m far lighter, soaring high up in the sky and I won’t even bat an eye or let my joy subside, because I know my worth and know the lies I won’t and can’t let in.

As I fall deeper for that longing of a life of no control,
Of that life that takes gain and pain and morning all in full.
There is a time for every season and a lesson closer still.

Life is made for tears like oceans, when new life comes, or long life fades or love begins or money flies away, the tears from plenty and tears from little surely flow; although, there’s no question each tear will dry or be wiped away. Yet, before the tears are gone, may I not loose sight of the joy in each aching strain and the lesson learned in the waiting.

life is not made for control, so as the jellyfish is pulled by the current, may I embrace the flow of life, but may I propel myself toward truth. Jesus commanded the seas for his frightened and doubting disciples, so I’m sure he’ll direct me on to him.

Readers Appreciation (a thanks to you my readers)

Dear Reader (that’s you),

If you’ve read every one of my posts or this is the first one you’ve ever read, thank you for being here. I believe that each platform can be used as a place to encourage and I pray my writing is doing that for you!

I’ve been blogging for a little while, and I don’t want to leave anyone who takes any moment out of their day to read anything I have to say hanging or feeling as if they’re not important to this project of mine. You are the reason I’m blogging!

I’ve been writing for a while, but I hadn’t really had a place to put all of my thoughts so they would actually make a difference, so I chose this: WordPress and whatmatters.blog

This is where I need YOUR help! If you read or have read or checked out my page before, let me know what you think! For all I know, you all have a million ideas of how I could be more affective or more impactful, but I will never know unless you let me know!

If this blog has been an encouragement to you or in some way, offensive to you or brought you joy or in some way, confusion or any way, positive or negative, I want to know what’s working and what’s not working!

I know my point of view is definitely inspired by my faith and relationship with Jesus, but I don’t want it to be so much that it offputs any of you who don’t share the same beliefs.

I want to give encouragement so that

you can apply it now and be given hope now, whoever you are or what you believe.
So that I can encourage Christians to really follow Christ and what he said and really letting him and his love transform us instead of letting oneself fall into a lifestyle of a comfortable Christianity that is void of any real freedom or power.
To let you know that you are important, you can make a difference wherever you are, and you can take someone’s day and totally change thier life!
If you are wondering about Jesus, let you know he really does change live and show a love like you can’t imagine. He’s done it for me and is so excited to poor out his love on you.

Final thought: Your kindness leads others to freedom; keep it coming!

Love,

your friend,

Matthew Baker.

Ps. To contact me best, you can email me at matthew.baker95@hotmail.com and If you’re interested in chatting, we can go from there. Send me your number and I’ll give you a call or we can set up a time to sit down and chat! If you have another way to get ahold of me (my phone, Facebook messenger, face to face conversation, etc) feel free to hit me up there as well!

Freedom: Found

Freedom isn’t found in a date. It’s found in His name.

This phrase has repeated in my mind for the past week, and I’ll tell you why:

I’ve grown up in the church, I’ve experienced friends trying to overcome drugs and I’ve heard so many stories of people (including myself) who want freedom from anything if it’s lazieness to porn and they want it now and for good.

This isn’t a bad thing, but actually, a necessary step into freedom. There’s a very real move that we must step out of something, but often that step is looked at AS the freedom. You hear, “I’ve been clean since ____” (last week, last year, 6/7/16) and I am totally glad for those dates and those stories and testimonies of God’s goodness. What we have to remember through it all is to not put so much stock in a date. That if you slip up and lose that sobriety date, you don’t lose your freedom.

I’ve seen myself totally forget and forfeit my freedom that I had for years because of shame and walked right back into my struggles and habits INSTEAD of standing on the promises of God, and declaring freedom in the name of Jesus Christ!

The Bible says who the Son (Jesus) sets free is free indeed. (John 8:36)

That means freedom isn’t temporary but is attainable for good! And expounding on what that looks like, the psalmist wrote “I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments.” (‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:45‬) because he understood this principle:

Freedom is an action word!

Freedom is found through daily surrendering our own motives and wishes to the Lord, becoming a slave to Jesus, because his load is easy and his burden is light, and giving up our slavery to sin, that is always heavy and never easy.

The most important lesson I’ve learned though this is that:

Sin (anything that separates us from fullness of life and fullness in our relationship with Jesus) is condemning and heavy. Aka, never fun in the end.
Jesus wants me to be free and offers a way to get free!
Freedom comes in a moment, but is acted upon for a life time.
A slip up or backtrack or temptation doesn’t void your freedom.
Only you can void your freedom and only you can clame it!
Freedom is not found in a date, but is found in following Jesus! It’s found in his name!

We all have the ability to accept the freedom God has offered us. Will you put your stock in your own willpower/date or will you put everything into the promises of God he laid out in his word and through his spirit living in you?

Free Ride:Ride Free

Free ride, when the open road meets the open air and the result is the feeling of gliding. This feeling is flying through forests without focus on the sides, clarity only in front and shrinking reality behind.

Ride free, when with friends and family, you talk through struggles and reality. When riding is awesome, but freedom is what we seek! When we seek what is infront, what is good and perfect and just and pure and let what falls to the side, let it fade to the shores. As life shrinks behind us, may we not forget what God has done for us, but may we recognize where He’s brought us and seek together freedom through prayer and encouragement.

Today, I spent my afternoon with my dear friends and family, Hunter, Andrew and Stephen. We engaged in an activity together that we all enjoy, and I can only speak for myself, but I would say we experienced freedom through it! I just love biking in general, and the fact of being in nature is always freeing for me, but also, opening up your heart to people you trust, I know, is always a good thing!

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. -Psalms 103:1

On Tour: CR

This morning, I woke up in NYC on a couch bed with a dude I just met 6 days ago in a room full of friends new and old on the second floor of an Assemblies of God Ukrainian church. If I wasn’t with the Circuit Riders on tour, this probably would be weird, but for some reason, I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. I got a bagel, with locks cream cheese, spent some time in my Bible and prayer and came back for band practice.

I got to this point after nearly a week of meeting and getting to know people, along with my fair share of insecurities and acceptance issues, but each person here is a world changer.

I joined this team to unify and reach college students on their own campuses and join with them in believing that God can change a heart to his as well as a nation to him.

What I’ve found in a place like this is it stretches you, because when you’re believing this for someone else, you have to also believe it for yourself. What I’ve seen in myself is that I spend a lot of my energy focusing on myself. The biggest problem with this is that I get so crippled by this because it takes 90% of my focus off of God and putting it on the thought “I can’t focus on God.”

We’re most free when we throw ourself into God’s love and go from that place in radical service. In those places is where I’ve always found myself full of joy! But what does that look like? How do we get out of that funk? That’s kind of an answer I’ve never been able to answer. What I can say though is that when you push through the times you’re not feeling it and focused so much you can’t focus, keep pushing in and push in harder then ever before.

I’ve heard the term “break through” and when I literally picture that, it’s always through something really tough in life, and it can only be broken through by leaning into the problem with Jesus’ full backing and using the strategies he lays out for us in his scriptures!

Words that I’ve heard from God that have been helping me overcome.

Perseverance will lead to steadfastness.
Serventhood takes sacrifice. Serve in ways that are easy, but especially in ways that aren’t.

And these passages from the Bible!

Psalms 121
Psalms 91
The story of Daniel throughout his life.
Proverbs 18:21 and the fact that I get to eat of the fruit/experience the benefit of speaking life.

Btw: if your curious about what crew I’m with, check out crmovement.com 👌

Moon

I’ve looked to the moon and I’ve tried to fully understand how it works.At times it hides it’s loom, but it has the power to bring light to the dark.

When it’s setting the mood, or accompanying the stars, it’s simply not trying at all.
Now imagine with me for a moment that the moon started to try

That it was no longer mindless, that the man there of would wake and strive.

He would shine for goodness and hide his face from evil.

That he would bring peace and rest to parents and children equal.

That each morning, he would bow there to the sun.
Let us not forget that the moon is just a reflection of the sun.

The sun is the center of the solar system,

But the moon serves earth and the sun all at once.

When earth is filled with darkness, the moon gives a hint of what the sun has to show

Giving credit each morning to the one who gave the glow.

Because this he knows, without light he is nothing.

Without love, we are nothing.

What will it take for us to serve like the moon.
10/15

Mountain Biking: Restoration

Mountain biking has become a new passion of mine since the early fall of 2016. I haven’t gotten all the way into it quite yet so far, although this coming spring, I plan on getting more gear and spending a lot more time on the trails.

With the snow, cold weather and a popped tube, I was set off my game for about a month or so. I didn’t want that to go on any longer so this past Saturday, I decided that whatever the weather looked like, I was going out.

Well, what Saturday brought me was a little bit of this:

It doesn’t look too bad from this vantage point, but after some close calls, spinning tires on the up hill climes and my chest nearly burning in peridox to the blisteringly cold weather, this was the moment I turned around.

It more then one way, I hated the ride; the worst so far I’ve ever experienced, but I don’t regret taking the trip. I don’t regret it because I did it. I told myself I would and I did. Also, because I felt like I was dosing my touch on the bike and I was. I got back into grips with the whole thing, but I also learned some practicals.

Like riding a bike, life flies passed so much faster then you’d like, the more thrilling and fun it is, the faster it goes by. The warning to this is if we loose track of our terrain, we can wind up in terrible pain, but if we don’t enjoy the little things along the way, we can find ourselves at the end wondering what even really happened and how we got to this place.
Pain is temporary. The easy way is always available, but it’s not always rewarding. Risk the pain and you’ll get it, but enough tries and you will succeed. Risk nothing and you will possibly never find joy and always come out with a sense of meaninglessness.
When you’re doing something positive and uplifting, you get positive and uplifting results, but when life around gets busy and we push aside the those important things aside, we find ourselves longing for something meaningful, but when we remember those things, if it’s mountain biking, or serving others, or getting in devotions, or eating well, and when we get back into them, we find restoration to our bodies and also restoration to our spirits!

My encouragement is to push through the things you know you need to do that are hard. They might not always be enjoyable, but you will be rewarded!

Withdrawal

My mind can not stop thinking of it.

My heart longs for it.

My body craves it.

My mind doesn’t want it.

My heart longs to not long for it.

My body craves to not crave it.
The cycle continues.

It builds up, it wears down.

Each time it builds up, it builds up higher.

Each time it wears down, it never returns to the low it once was.

I don’t get it.

After a while one of two thigs happen:

It gets easier <—–> I give in.

If it gets easier, there is freedom. There is peace.

If I give in, there is shame. There is relief.

Withdrawal sucks.

The pain I can’t explain, but I know there’s escape.

It is only found through strength, but sometimes, I’m weak in faith.

Freedom has nothing to do with fate.

It doesn’t just happen and there’s no easy way.

So as I crave, I will pray.

I will try my hardest to hold onto faith,

Ask God for more strength so I can stay,

Not to turn to betray.

May the cycle not have the last words.

May freedom and redemption win.

May my heart stay steadfast.

May Christ Jesus have the last words.

What Matters

LIFE: Thoughts, Inspiration, Poetry

Category: Freedom