(This post flows from the previous post. If you’re curious, check out the last post to glean a more rounded understanding of my thoughts if you so wish. I will summarize in a stanza the gist of my previous post titled “God didn’t call me to be honest,”)
I have realized that honesty is important, but can also cause me to distract myself from changing. While I spend much time explaining myself and opening up, in this past year, it shifted from honesty, leading to change, leading to freedom to honesty leading to empathy, leading to stagnancy leading to honesty and so on. In essence, I was mistaking honesty for being holy, and oh was I wrong.
Now, I’m 21 and I’ve learned a lot. I don’t pretend to remember most of it or to live by it, but I’ve learned a lot about life and Jesus and myself and such, and when I looked at myself the other day in relfeaction, I realized my path was diverging from holiness to hypocrit. This is honestly my biggest fear; thinking I’m serving God, but through my meaningless pursuit of fixing situations through simply and almost exclusively talking about my troubles and struggles and what I needed, I found myself looking a lot like the religious people in the early New Testament. I hated this realization, but at the same time, am so glad for it. There’s nothing worse then thinking you’re right and being dead wrong. This has helped me realize why my joy has turned to fatigue and my hope has turned to criticalness, but I hid it behind positive words and such.
Let me take a step back for a minuet though. This wasn’t like a switch and it definatly isn’t a complete and utter failure on my part. There has been victories and I’ve learned a lot about self control and prayer and faith. These realizations have just brought me to the next place in my life and I thank God for being here with me through my stubbornness and failures.
Back to the point of all of this:
A lot of people who read this probably know that Holy means set apart. God in so many places calls people into deeper love with him. He has people doing crazy things that require crazy faith all throughout history, from the beginning until now. He calls people to follow him and love like crazy, to be set apart for a purpose and to be in this ever changing world as a symbol of constantce and truth.
May I be found amidst the few that stand for holiness, who heal the sick, cast out demons,raise the dead and lead people to Jesus all in his name for his glory, and live a life set apart for his glory and honor, laying down my own passions for a crown of glory.
I would hate to just be that guy that was super honest.