My heart is in my stomach. I’ve got lead in my veins. I step in the shower and try to scrub away all the painful thoughts. Scrub my head so hard my scalp is raw. Rub my body down until my arms are sore. Let the water rain down my face and I don’t even mind. Sit down, I’m panicking, elbow on my knees, I can’t even weep. Turn the water off. Dry my body off. Send a message, short and to the point, try to walk in love and not in fear or anger. I get so shaky I can’t stop my legs from breaking my balance. I lay down. Shake more violently, pray to God for some inner peace. Feel so alone and no one can see. Reaching out feels desperate, but I need it. Turn to my notes in my phone to write because it’s easy, but it can’t give me a hug now. It can’t talk me down. It can’t give me council, but it’s half past 1 in the morning and I feel like nothing is working. My heart rate is slowing to normal, my eyes grow heavier and God let’s me know he has me when I feel cold. He has me when I feel old. He has me when I think I should be farther along then I am. He has me when I’m desperately holding onto all that I know. He’s always faithful, always stable. He is The rock on which I stand.
mattersbaker Hello, my name is Matthew Baker. A common personal description includes name, occupation, hobbies, and positive things people like about themselves and for a lot of Christians, a tag line Bible verse at the end. What I want you to know about me is that I love people. I want them to be inspired and live out their potential. I'm often selfish and sometimes speak untactuflly and sometimes am taken the wrong way, if that is my reason or anothers, read for yourself and I'm sure you will have a personal thought on the matter. I love Jesus, yet much more often then I would like, mess up in my pursuit of him. My faith also has fallen short, but I will hold onto his truth with everything within me. If you want the lagistics here they are, but if you really want to get to know me, please follow my work and I pray you won't be dissapointed: Name: Matthew Kennon Baker// job: plumber// interests, hobbies: music, poetry, sound technology, cutting hair, playing sports, teaching and now, as of 12.17.2016 blogging.