My mind has been in such a conflict with itself the past few weeks. I’ve seen people living their lives both in the media and in person, famous and ordinary, and I’ve seen a lot of smiles, but I’ve also noticed an underlining pain. I know the feeling of hopelessness and having everything I need, yet having nothing. I know that stuff doesn’t satisfy, and neither does fame or status. I know being busy is a good distraction from emptiness, but it’s only temporary, and only brings us farther toward un-satisfaction.

We all want to be a part of something, to be heard and to be right. We want to be known and understood, but even more so, we want to understand. The crazy part about this is that I know that Jesus is the answer, but even so, I don’t always trust him. I wonder why so many people don’t get to see Jesus in the way I and others have, and why kids have to be exposed to such negative role models; especially the kids of Hollywood. I wish I could take them under my wing and show them the love of Jesus, and that everyone I met, I could tell about Jesus and they would see his benefits an understand his truth and see how much better he is at satisfying then any vice.

I get upset that the amazing people in this world that are living free lives in Christ aren’t more seen by the public, showing the love of God, and specific “Christians” that vomit hatred to those who need love get the spotlights. Why are the talented Christian script writers and musitions kept silent over the singers and script writers who are just mass producing music that pats christians on the back without drawing in those who are lost and searching?

I want to make that difference. I want to find these influencers. I want to see them empowered and given permission to work for Jesus and love and give time to those who haven’t heard or seen God’s love. I also want to be that person that’s influencing wherever I go. The hardest part for me though is that no matter if I tell everyone about and show everyone practically the love of God, the majority will not listen.

I don’t want anyone to miss out on what I’ve experienced. I don’t want anyone to experience eternal separation from the only one I have found to bring me constance and fullness of joy and peace. The only one who has given me insight into strangers situations that I could have never known so that they have the chance to be free.

But if I must remember one thing, it is these things:

  • I’m 22, and God is using me where I’m at and will continue to use me if I’m willing.
  • Each person’s life is worth giving a chance.
  • People are going to reject things that are good for them.
  • I have no clue what God has in store.
  • God is in control, and no matter if I like that or not, think it’s just of him or not, he is the creator and is the only one that has the power to draw people’s hearts to himself.
  • God isn’t going to make anyone follow him.
  • God promises to answer my prayers, so I will pray for people’s souls and live selfelessly and not let myself get so caught up in my own wants.

All I can control is me, and if I don’t change the world, may I at least change my own mindset and continue to love the hell out of everyone I interact with.

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