If I don’t act the way I say I want to be, where is my true identity? Is it the person that I am or the shadowed hope of the me I’ve only dreamed?
The only one holding me back from being fully free is my tethered heart to the me I used to be, the carcus that’s rotten but comfortable for me to slip back in. I might be hot then cold and back again, but the difference is still Luke warm and that’s no place to be living.
To know the truth and choose that broken shell is like watching supersize me and still buying fast food. We do it, but why when we could choose?
This fast food mind is too impatient to wait for the grace and wait for one woman and wait for an answer and waiting for more than a moment.
I want the stake, man, teach me to marinate! Teach me to sit with the cookbook and ponder it. That’s the Bible, got those tasty love recipes, but the pure heart, discipline and self control, I’ll skip to the next, or better yet, I just got a text. That sounds so much more stimulating then this! Maybe God will speak to me there, but it doesn’t matter if he does or not, at night, my mind will wander to beneath the underwear and I’ll let it lead me, though I swore I’d given that over to Jesus as well as the control, but without any self control, how do I even expect that I’ll chose to follow him when I’m alone in bed.
Lonlieness is no excuse for compromise, but I sure let it convince me it is.
All I know is Jesus has saved me from my sins, he loves me even in my contradictions and hard knock living. I know I’m getting to know him better, relearning how to be his friend that is willing to lay down his life for him. But what will it take for me to sink that needle of truth into my chest that it seeps through to who I am?
I don’t know, but I will keep holding on, pushing one step closer, so that my yes is yes and no is no and freedom is full!