Exposure: First Performances

Exposure: First Performances

Music is one of the most influential and most widely partaken in arts of history. For me, I’ve always been around and involved in music my entire life. Music is found in virtually every culture, if not every culture, and it doesn’t fail to move us humans; even the hardest of hearts.

Being in my family, I’ve had a bunch of first performances on stage. from silly skits at my grandparents house, performing fan favorites and classics like The Road Kill Cooking Show and plenty of others, to Sight and Sound Theater, where my first show ever, my wig fell off in front of the entire audience of roughly 2,000 people. I’ve been in school musicals and National Fine Arts (a church competition) to just performing at my church in various ways. There are definitely stories to tell, but this one felt different.

I started writing poetry and songs in my junior year in high school, and I had shared my music and poems with others before, but I got to share an original of mine and accompanied my brother, Stephen on a cover at a girl from our youth group’s event to raise money for her missions trip, and I had this overwhelming feeling: I wouldn’t mind doing this. Like, if it was my career, even just for a season, I would feel at home; because that stage felt like home. It wasn’t really because of the stage itself, or the audience in particular or the atmosphere, although it was nice, but it was sitting on my cajon drum, next to my brother, playing music.

This first performance was followed not but a few weeks later, performing a song with my friends at a dinner theatre. A song Luke Cassidy and I wrote together for our band that has, of now, only performed one song at one venue, but it also felt like home. We performed the song “Flesh and Blood” (really the only song we’ve finished so far together) that is really one of the most vulnerable songs I’ve personally written exposing my insecurities, but sharing them in my favorite art form with some of my favorite people was liberating.

Theres just something about the first time we do something, and theres something even more amazing about realizing as you’re doing it for the first time that its something you want to be involved in for the rest of your life! your thing might not be music or writing or mountain biking, or bee keeping, or anything I’m into, but it might be painting or skateboarding or swimming or math or any other sports, or counseling, or welding. Whatever it may be…

GO FOR IT!

Do it with everything in you. don’t let stats or money or time in your way. Stats might always be agents you, but theres always a percentage that succeeds. You be in that. You’ll never have enough money, so budget and work your butt off! My friend, Andrew always says, “do things you don’t want to do so you can do the things you want to do!” As for time, it is always passing by, and what I have to say for time is you don’t have time to keep talking about doing the things you love. You do have time to do them, but it priority time!

It’s always a balance, and the best way to balance out my advice in the previous paragraph is in two words: Love. Pray.

Loving,  and in turn, serving others will never bring you down, because love never fails! (Check out 1 Corinthians 13. It talks all about it.) And God is always rooting for you to succeed and through desiring him and taking pressure off yourself to make things happen, follow him as he leads you, as your pursuing your dreams. Your biggest dreams are only a fraction of the plans God has for you, if you’re following him right now or not. Through giving him control, you will enter the most thrilling times in your life filled with joy, hardships, pain and peace, but the best part is the hardships and pain will come and go, but they and peace will last through it all.

 

Adoption: Unfiltered Love

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m sure we all see someone act a certain way, or do a specific thing that just irks us.
One time, back in high school (I say that because it makes me sound grown up, or maybe convince someone I’m old enough to take advice from) in my public speaking class, our teacher assigned us a project to voice our pet peeve. It quickly turned into a tiring of rants, ranging from “chewing gum like a cow” to “mouth breathing” and always ending in a long line of driving annoyances. My point being, it’s usually not that hard for us to think of these things, because they are those few things that trigger us without too much warning, yet much consequence, either with an outward explosion that effects everyone, or an inward explosion that only effects the eyebrows and possibly the trajectory of the edges of a once present smile. 

But to bring it back in, I heard a a poem and it spoke about the struggles of anxiety. Now, I wouldn’t consider this to be a pet peeve by any means, but it does fit in the category for me of something I don’t handle well. I know it’s very well an issue that plages plenty of lives around the earth, but from the outside looking in, it’s really hard for me to understand or sympathize because my understanding doesn’t compute with the needs/patience it requires to be the best person for someone who suffers with anxiety. 

I said all that to set a backdrop for this thought that went through my head:

“I could never see myself being able to marry someone who as severe anxiety,” to be followed by another thought, “I hope I don’t have any kids who suffer from anxiety” to be lead by another line of thought, “well, if it’s addressed while they’re young, hopefully it won’t be as bad when they get older” to “but what if I adopt like I’ve said I want to do?”

This question struck me, and I didn’t have any answer, as if the other answers to the previous questions were really very good, but I thought about this concept, while I was warming the water to get in the shower. Adoption is really an amazingly hard, and amazingly amazing thing! Taking a child in that has had possibly no prior personal experience or maybe even recollection of seeing a good family, much less feeling loved by someone who is choosing you. Not just someone who wanted a kid, but someone who wanted YOU. 

Having recently gone through some personal self-condemning and feeling absent and unworthy of God, I couldn’t help think about the statement that he has adopted us into his family. Knowing all of our junk, all of our dirt, and and all of our downfalls, He doesn’t look at our weakness, but speaks life into our strengths. He sees our potential. Honestly, the other day when I first had this thought didn’t change me that much, but as it marinates in my mind, it gets juicier and more flavorful, because no matter how much I get myself down, Jesus is always there, encouraging and lifting me up out of a feeling of darkness. 

This motivates me even deeper to love children and even adults who haven’t ever experienced love in action toward them. 

Because I am loved, I love. 

But I Don’t, But I Will.

I want to fall in love with you, 

But I can’t, but I will. 

I long to really know you,
More then just your name and a few things about you.

I want to give you all of me

But I don’t, but I will.
How can I make me love you? 

You first loved me, but what does that mean?

I can’t leave you, I know you’re who I want and you fill all my dreams. 
But the rain always comes on the worst of days, 

and I feel that each time I escape, 

like a dog, I’m returning to eat my vomit.

I take peace and stomp on it.
Though I find myself running in circles, I’m running none the less.

And I’m not running on a track. Each time I run forward, I make it a little farther then the last.

On each turn back, when I’m bummed I even gave in, I don’t return as far as I did in the past.

This cycle is a process I know I don’t want to live in, but with each look back forward, 
To Love, Himself, my longing grows longer and my endurance grows stronger. 
It’s a love I’ve decided I won’t give up on.

It’s a love I will keep trying for,

A love that’s been died for.
I want to fall in love with you,

But I can’t, but I will. 

I long to really know you,

More then just your name and a few things about you.

I want to give you all of me

But I don’t, but I will.

Live Music: Nothing Better

Tonight, I attended a long awaited show, to see an artist and I dare say friend, Jess Ray. She was also joint by a few artists that I now am big fans of, Taylor Leonhardt that played alongside Jess, as well as a husband/wife duo, Chris and Jenna. What an amazing night. 
I say all that to intro into the rest of this post to give credit to the ones who inspired these thoughts! If you want to check them out, I recommend them all, 5 star rating!

Something I’ve found to be true every time I’ve heard a band live is what really hooks me is the jenuinness of the artist at hand. I’ve been to a few shows in my life, and some bands I might have even kind of liked before I saw them can turn me off because of their attitude toward their fans or potentials, aka, audience members. 

I feel like most people, if not everyone if they’re honest want to be appreciated and something I’ve loved is the artists, like the four tonight, shared themselves on the stage and off the stage. And that’s a big deal! That’s one reason I love music more then anything else. You get to know a little bit more about the artist you’ve invested in. Also, you get to hear some backstory of some songs if the artist so wishes to share. 

Another thing I love is you might be hearing a song that’s been played before or that you’ve heard, but you get to feel it! You get to delve into the emotion brought by the artist, and you get a performance that can’t be replicated. 

The last thing I’d mention is that you become apart of the piece of music. You become immersed in the middle of a piece of art. Taylor sang her beautiful song Behold, and invited to audience to sing the chorus with her, and what a beautiful sound came from the stage, as well as the people in the seats next to you. At some bigger shows, you might even have a full arena in one voice, unifying, and that really is a magical thing. Music, epecially Live music, brings people together and creates a moment unlike any other! 

Thank you, friends, for sharing your talents tonight. May God bless the rest of your tour stops!(Ps. For real. Buy their music. All of it.)

Something you’re not: personable vs friendly

I’ve found myself, throughout my life, having a hard time being personable. (This is an observation, and it’s not a bad thing. I’ll explain more as I go on.) I’ve seen some people have such a smooth approach and ease with starting conversations, holding conversations, ending conversations and even walking away from a conversation. Unfortunatly, if I just met you or if we’re not really close friends, I will butcher from one to all of these steps.  

This dilemma had and does frustrate me to this day. If I see someone I graduated or went to school with, just picture a train trying to derail as he sees another coming up the tracks. No matter what he tries to do, he either crashes head on and burns, or derails, crashes and burns. Either way, not a good situation. (If you’re one of those people, I sincerely apologize and wish I could have changed the outcome of that conversation and I hope you can look past the awkwardness produced by every syllable produced from my lips.)

If that was a little melodramatic, it wasn’t by much, but my point is, I’ve seen so many people approach the situation and walk away unscathed and with ease. 

This had also caused me frustration in teaching, talking to girls (mostly in high school. I’ve not so recently decided to put that on hold, but that’s for another topic) to meeting new people, etc. 

The thing that’s amazing though is this:
It’s ok to not be personable! It’s definitely a gift, but absolutely not necessary for life. This is what really gets important when the rubber hits the road; are you a good friend?

It’s one thing to be personable, but if you can’t be a good friend, your life will be filled with shallow acquaintances and void of true, reliable, relatable friendships that really have your back. The crazy thing is I’ve been there in a way, because I balanced out my person-ability with acting outlandish and loud and humor in some way, shape or form. 

Being friendly is less of a skill or a gift and more of a mindset in a way that develops into your character. Being a friend in short is the following:

  • Listening
  • Being there when it’s not convenient
  • Not focusing on relationship effort balance
  • Giving thought out and/or prayed through advice 
  • Donating your time
  • Doing all these things, even when you can’t get something back

That’s some really simple, yet externally challenging tasks, but what people need these days are true friends. What our generation needs are true friends. 
Are you personable?

 If yes, don’t hide behind it. Use your gift. Be a friend too!

 If no, don’t worry! Try your best (and prayer never hurts) and if it falls flat, be a friend! People need you. 

Are you a friend?

There’s Something About…


This city is a city I’ve been to only once before. The reason might be clear by the picture, but I joined 3 friends on a quest to the west to see a Pirates game, but of course, they were playing my favorite team, the Atlanta Braves. 

Interestingly enough, the baseball game was one of the smallest highlights so had from the trip, followed only by the three and a half hour drive. 

I’ve found that road trips, events, and even sitting on a couch doing nothing can be made or break, depending on who’s there with you. 

This trip, I was with four people I appreciate and am extremely thankful for their presence in my life. One being family, one being a best friend, another being an old friend, currently living/schooling in Pittsburgh and another being a younger friend that I hope to say (maybe seem to) looks up to me, even though I can prove to be childish at times. 


I say that to say:

  • hold on to those who care.
  • Invest in others, even if you don’t know if they’ll ever invest back, just for the sake of love. Friends like these are just a bonus.
  • Don’t overlook the small and the big moments. They all have an opportunity to impact or even change your life. (I have merit to talk on this. People dressed up in parrogies running around a baseball field on its warning track got me the most excited I’ve been in weeks.) 
  • Play cards (or whatever game they play) with an older person. There’s an exchange that happens that you can’t see with your eyes. You give them hope, they give you wisdom. You give them joy, they give you peace and laughter. You give them time, they give you love. (At least that’s what I’ve experienced, as recently as playing cards with Andrew’s great aunt.)
  • Always wear your helmet and obey your mama. She always knows best!

There’s something about a road trip!

Readers Appreciation (a thanks to you my readers)


Dear Reader (that’s you),

If you’ve read every one of my posts or this is the first one you’ve ever read, thank you for being here. I believe that each platform can be used as a place to encourage and I pray my writing is doing that for you!

I’ve been blogging for a little while, and I don’t want to leave anyone who takes any moment out of their day to read anything I have to say hanging or feeling as if they’re not important to this project of mine. You are the reason I’m blogging!

I’ve been writing for a while, but I hadn’t really had a place to put all of my thoughts so they would actually make a difference, so I chose this: WordPress and whatmatters.blog

This is where I need YOUR help! If you read or have read or checked out my page before, let me know what you think! For all I know, you all have a million ideas of how I could be more affective or more impactful, but I will never know unless you let me know! 

If this blog has been an encouragement to you or in some way, offensive to you or brought you joy or in some way, confusion or any way, positive or negative, I want to know what’s working and what’s not working! 

I know my point of view is definitely inspired by my faith and relationship with Jesus, but I don’t want it to be so much that it offputs any of you who don’t share the same beliefs. 

I want to give encouragement so that 

  1. you can apply it now and be given hope now, whoever you are or what you believe.
  2. So that I can encourage Christians to really follow Christ and what he said and really letting him and his love transform us instead of letting oneself fall into a lifestyle of a comfortable Christianity that is void of any real freedom or power.
  3. To let you know that you are important, you can make a difference wherever you are, and you can take someone’s day and totally change thier life! 
  4. If you are wondering about Jesus, let you know he really does change live and show a love like you can’t imagine. He’s done it for me and is so excited to poor out his love on you. 

Final thought: Your kindness leads others to freedom; keep it coming! 

Love, 

your friend,

Matthew Baker.

Ps. To contact me best, you can email me at matthew.baker95@hotmail.com and If you’re interested in chatting, we can go from there. Send me your number and I’ll give you a call or we can set up a time to sit down and chat! If you have another way to get ahold of me (my phone, Facebook messenger, face to face conversation, etc) feel free to hit me up there as well!

2 Years Removed


Darkness. I sink so deep into darkness, yet I know about the light. 
I’ve read about and seen and even felt the light. And it only seems fitting that when that’s where my mind is, that I lie awake at night in the dark. 

 I search for happiness through the day. But like Indiana Jones, there’s always obstacle in my way, But I know that that treasure is somewhere to be found, but ’till then, I will find myself alone. 

And love is always one kiss away. But I can’t find that kiss and the pictures don’t say I love you or care if you stay. Just leave you lonely and scarred as they haunt you and say you’ll never find a true love because you’re filthy. You’ll never find a true love because the lovers are few. You’ll never have a true love, look where your loving has you. 

My hope, it hangs by a string, tied to memories and promises I received as a kid. So I’ll hang on tight and I won’t let it fall, because somehow I know it will be worth it all.

Now 2 years removed, so much has changed and so much is gone. So much has grown and things made right that were wrong, and that hope has kept me all along. Now the darkness is all gone away. Sometimes it comes around, but I won’t let him stay. I’ve become a good friends with the creator of light and I’ll cling to his side because he brings joy that’s not dry and that joy is my strength every day I have life. 

And happiness, I don’t seek it any longer. Of corse I want it, but it can not be found. It resides in joy and also in peace, so now I know that happiness is not the prize, but the byproduct of living a full life.
I see love is not found in a kiss, or a picture or a text that your missed. It’s not about sex and it can not be found in the darkness and loathing or the self destructive hours. When love comes about, it’s not always romantic, and in the best times, I didn’t see it coming at all. But it came from the people I’ve come to love the most. My friends on earth that are friends with the one above the earth. 

Love is found in conviction, in laughter, in long nights, in road trips, in prayers, in selfless giving, in inside jokes, in hard times and in memories. Love is not limited to these things, but stretches past our boundaries. Mostly because if i’m in my boundaries, the focus is still on me.

2 years removed from some of the darkest places in my life, I find myself looking back at all the things I thought mattered. I look at how it all led to decay and it all shattered. How what I thought was most important was the right focus with the wrong perspective. 

Hope, joy and love are still what drives me, yet now I know the light and he provides all my needs. His name is Jesus. And I’m no one special. That’s why I need him in every season. No less then anyone else daily needs him. 

Do you need him? He’s waiting for you. 
“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” Revelation 3:20
Written July 20, 2016

Itch


Itching, like I just rolled around in fiberglass insolation, I’m itching.

I don’t know what to do so I’m gripping, and grasping for something new to find something that will smooth and set my heart at ease…………………… uhhhhh

It’s not working, ignoring makes me focus more closely to things I so deeply want souring far away from my life and each time I send them off, they just come back like a moth to a damned night and I can’t STAND IT!…………………ohhhhh

Random, am I living life of joy like my tattooed arm proclaims, that quotation, “The joy of the Lord is my strength” I once felt it in my veins, screamed truth through my DNA. Stop and think… yes this phrase is true, because when I’m strongest he is near and when I’m weakest I’m over there……….. ahhhhh

I’m growing, and I see new life out there. There’s so much to be seen, so many lives to hear of God’s glory, and so many still to live fuller lives, and to admit that… it’s friends that see us through. I know I can’t do this on my own… but with friends, we’re not alone.

But friends have dragged me here and there and friends have dragged me high and low. Friendship have come and go and become closer then a brother to a strangers a year later and I cannot go through life with friends like that if I can’t know they have my back. If I can’t know they’ll come at a drop of a hat. With friends like those, I’d be stuck. 

But now a days I’ve no excuse. I have friends who won’t let me fall. Now I can not recluse when I’m feeling of no use. When I’m hurt, or dirty or feel like death, I must turn back to my friends, the young ones for vision, old ones for wisdom and both for love and encouragement. 
I can’t stay here and itch, try to ignore or think anymore without a friend to know. To lead me back to joy. So when they’re here and I am there, I can give love back, so when somebody needs a friend, I’m there and I have back up and even when I itch again, when I try to ignore the pain, they’ll be there, but even so…….. 
I’ll have there backs. Because that’s what friends are for!

Freedom: Found 

Freedom isn’t found in a date. It’s found in His name.

This phrase has repeated in my mind for the past week, and I’ll tell you why:

I’ve grown up in the church, I’ve experienced friends trying to overcome drugs and I’ve heard so many stories of people (including myself) who want freedom from anything if it’s lazieness to porn and they want it now and for good. 

This isn’t a bad thing, but actually, a necessary step into freedom. There’s a very real move that we must step out of something, but often that step is looked at AS the freedom. You hear, “I’ve been clean since ____” (last week, last year, 6/7/16) and I am totally glad for those dates and those stories and testimonies of God’s goodness. What we have to remember through it all is to not put so much stock in a date. That if you slip up and lose that sobriety date, you don’t lose your freedom. 

I’ve seen myself totally forget and forfeit my freedom that I had for years because of shame and walked right back into my struggles and habits INSTEAD of standing on the promises of God, and declaring freedom in the name of Jesus Christ! 

The Bible says who the Son (Jesus) sets free is free indeed. (John 8:36) 

That means freedom isn’t temporary but is attainable for good! And expounding on what that looks like, the psalmist wrote “I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments.” (‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:45‬) because he understood this principle:

Freedom is an action word!

Freedom is found through daily surrendering our own motives and wishes to the Lord, becoming a slave to Jesus, because his load is easy and his burden is light, and giving up our slavery to sin, that is always heavy and never easy. 

The most important lesson I’ve learned though this is that:

  1. Sin (anything that separates us from fullness of life and fullness in our relationship with Jesus) is condemning and heavy. Aka, never fun in the end.
  2. Jesus wants me to be free and offers a way to get free!
  3. Freedom comes in a moment, but is acted upon for a life time.
  4. A slip up or backtrack or temptation doesn’t void your freedom. 
  5. Only you can void your freedom and only you can clame it!
  6. Freedom is not found in a date, but is found in following Jesus! It’s found in his name!

We all have the ability to accept the freedom God has offered us. Will you put your stock in your own willpower/date or will you put everything into the promises of God he laid out in his word and through his spirit living in you?