Category: Thoughts

But I Don’t, But I Will.

I want to fall in love with you, 

But I can’t, but I will. 

I long to really know you,
More then just your name and a few things about you.

I want to give you all of me

But I don’t, but I will.
How can I make me love you? 

You first loved me, but what does that mean?

I can’t leave you, I know you’re who I want and you fill all my dreams. 
But the rain always comes on the worst of days, 

and I feel that each time I escape, 

like a dog, I’m returning to eat my vomit.

I take peace and stomp on it.
Though I find myself running in circles, I’m running none the less.

And I’m not running on a track. Each time I run forward, I make it a little farther then the last.

On each turn back, when I’m bummed I even gave in, I don’t return as far as I did in the past.

This cycle is a process I know I don’t want to live in, but with each look back forward, 
To Love, Himself, my longing grows longer and my endurance grows stronger. 
It’s a love I’ve decided I won’t give up on.

It’s a love I will keep trying for,

A love that’s been died for.
I want to fall in love with you,

But I can’t, but I will. 

I long to really know you,

More then just your name and a few things about you.

I want to give you all of me

But I don’t, but I will.

Live Music: Nothing Better

Tonight, I attended a long awaited show, to see an artist and I dare say friend, Jess Ray. She was also joint by a few artists that I now am big fans of, Taylor Leonhardt that played alongside Jess, as well as a husband/wife duo, Chris and Jenna. What an amazing night. 
I say all that to intro into the rest of this post to give credit to the ones who inspired these thoughts! If you want to check them out, I recommend them all, 5 star rating!

Something I’ve found to be true every time I’ve heard a band live is what really hooks me is the jenuinness of the artist at hand. I’ve been to a few shows in my life, and some bands I might have even kind of liked before I saw them can turn me off because of their attitude toward their fans or potentials, aka, audience members. 

I feel like most people, if not everyone if they’re honest want to be appreciated and something I’ve loved is the artists, like the four tonight, shared themselves on the stage and off the stage. And that’s a big deal! That’s one reason I love music more then anything else. You get to know a little bit more about the artist you’ve invested in. Also, you get to hear some backstory of some songs if the artist so wishes to share. 

Another thing I love is you might be hearing a song that’s been played before or that you’ve heard, but you get to feel it! You get to delve into the emotion brought by the artist, and you get a performance that can’t be replicated. 

The last thing I’d mention is that you become apart of the piece of music. You become immersed in the middle of a piece of art. Taylor sang her beautiful song Behold, and invited to audience to sing the chorus with her, and what a beautiful sound came from the stage, as well as the people in the seats next to you. At some bigger shows, you might even have a full arena in one voice, unifying, and that really is a magical thing. Music, epecially Live music, brings people together and creates a moment unlike any other! 

Thank you, friends, for sharing your talents tonight. May God bless the rest of your tour stops!(Ps. For real. Buy their music. All of it.)

There’s Something About…


This city is a city I’ve been to only once before. The reason might be clear by the picture, but I joined 3 friends on a quest to the west to see a Pirates game, but of course, they were playing my favorite team, the Atlanta Braves. 

Interestingly enough, the baseball game was one of the smallest highlights so had from the trip, followed only by the three and a half hour drive. 

I’ve found that road trips, events, and even sitting on a couch doing nothing can be made or break, depending on who’s there with you. 

This trip, I was with four people I appreciate and am extremely thankful for their presence in my life. One being family, one being a best friend, another being an old friend, currently living/schooling in Pittsburgh and another being a younger friend that I hope to say (maybe seem to) looks up to me, even though I can prove to be childish at times. 


I say that to say:

  • hold on to those who care.
  • Invest in others, even if you don’t know if they’ll ever invest back, just for the sake of love. Friends like these are just a bonus.
  • Don’t overlook the small and the big moments. They all have an opportunity to impact or even change your life. (I have merit to talk on this. People dressed up in parrogies running around a baseball field on its warning track got me the most excited I’ve been in weeks.) 
  • Play cards (or whatever game they play) with an older person. There’s an exchange that happens that you can’t see with your eyes. You give them hope, they give you wisdom. You give them joy, they give you peace and laughter. You give them time, they give you love. (At least that’s what I’ve experienced, as recently as playing cards with Andrew’s great aunt.)
  • Always wear your helmet and obey your mama. She always knows best!

There’s something about a road trip!

Readers Appreciation (a thanks to you my readers)


Dear Reader (that’s you),

If you’ve read every one of my posts or this is the first one you’ve ever read, thank you for being here. I believe that each platform can be used as a place to encourage and I pray my writing is doing that for you!

I’ve been blogging for a little while, and I don’t want to leave anyone who takes any moment out of their day to read anything I have to say hanging or feeling as if they’re not important to this project of mine. You are the reason I’m blogging!

I’ve been writing for a while, but I hadn’t really had a place to put all of my thoughts so they would actually make a difference, so I chose this: WordPress and whatmatters.blog

This is where I need YOUR help! If you read or have read or checked out my page before, let me know what you think! For all I know, you all have a million ideas of how I could be more affective or more impactful, but I will never know unless you let me know! 

If this blog has been an encouragement to you or in some way, offensive to you or brought you joy or in some way, confusion or any way, positive or negative, I want to know what’s working and what’s not working! 

I know my point of view is definitely inspired by my faith and relationship with Jesus, but I don’t want it to be so much that it offputs any of you who don’t share the same beliefs. 

I want to give encouragement so that 

  1. you can apply it now and be given hope now, whoever you are or what you believe.
  2. So that I can encourage Christians to really follow Christ and what he said and really letting him and his love transform us instead of letting oneself fall into a lifestyle of a comfortable Christianity that is void of any real freedom or power.
  3. To let you know that you are important, you can make a difference wherever you are, and you can take someone’s day and totally change thier life! 
  4. If you are wondering about Jesus, let you know he really does change live and show a love like you can’t imagine. He’s done it for me and is so excited to poor out his love on you. 

Final thought: Your kindness leads others to freedom; keep it coming! 

Love, 

your friend,

Matthew Baker.

Ps. To contact me best, you can email me at matthew.baker95@hotmail.com and If you’re interested in chatting, we can go from there. Send me your number and I’ll give you a call or we can set up a time to sit down and chat! If you have another way to get ahold of me (my phone, Facebook messenger, face to face conversation, etc) feel free to hit me up there as well!

Freedom: Found 

Freedom isn’t found in a date. It’s found in His name.

This phrase has repeated in my mind for the past week, and I’ll tell you why:

I’ve grown up in the church, I’ve experienced friends trying to overcome drugs and I’ve heard so many stories of people (including myself) who want freedom from anything if it’s lazieness to porn and they want it now and for good. 

This isn’t a bad thing, but actually, a necessary step into freedom. There’s a very real move that we must step out of something, but often that step is looked at AS the freedom. You hear, “I’ve been clean since ____” (last week, last year, 6/7/16) and I am totally glad for those dates and those stories and testimonies of God’s goodness. What we have to remember through it all is to not put so much stock in a date. That if you slip up and lose that sobriety date, you don’t lose your freedom. 

I’ve seen myself totally forget and forfeit my freedom that I had for years because of shame and walked right back into my struggles and habits INSTEAD of standing on the promises of God, and declaring freedom in the name of Jesus Christ! 

The Bible says who the Son (Jesus) sets free is free indeed. (John 8:36) 

That means freedom isn’t temporary but is attainable for good! And expounding on what that looks like, the psalmist wrote “I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments.” (‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:45‬) because he understood this principle:

Freedom is an action word!

Freedom is found through daily surrendering our own motives and wishes to the Lord, becoming a slave to Jesus, because his load is easy and his burden is light, and giving up our slavery to sin, that is always heavy and never easy. 

The most important lesson I’ve learned though this is that:

  1. Sin (anything that separates us from fullness of life and fullness in our relationship with Jesus) is condemning and heavy. Aka, never fun in the end.
  2. Jesus wants me to be free and offers a way to get free!
  3. Freedom comes in a moment, but is acted upon for a life time.
  4. A slip up or backtrack or temptation doesn’t void your freedom. 
  5. Only you can void your freedom and only you can clame it!
  6. Freedom is not found in a date, but is found in following Jesus! It’s found in his name!

We all have the ability to accept the freedom God has offered us. Will you put your stock in your own willpower/date or will you put everything into the promises of God he laid out in his word and through his spirit living in you? 

On Tour: CR


This morning, I woke up in NYC on a couch bed with a dude I just met 6 days ago in a room full of friends new and old on the second floor of an Assemblies of God Ukrainian church. If I wasn’t with the Circuit Riders on tour, this probably would be weird, but for some reason, I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. I got a bagel, with locks cream cheese, spent some time in my Bible and prayer and came back for band practice. 

I got to this point after nearly a week of meeting and getting to know people, along with my fair share of insecurities and acceptance issues, but each person here is a world changer. 

I joined this team to unify and reach college students on their own campuses and join with them in believing that God can change a heart to his as well as a nation to him. 

What I’ve found in a place like this is it stretches you, because when you’re believing this for someone else, you have to also believe it for yourself. What I’ve seen in myself is that I spend a lot of my energy focusing on myself. The biggest problem with this is that I get so crippled by this because it takes 90% of my focus off of God and putting it on the thought “I can’t focus on God.”

We’re most free when we throw ourself into God’s love and go from that place in radical service. In those places is where I’ve always found myself full of joy! But what does that look like? How do we get out of that funk? That’s kind of an answer I’ve never been able to answer. What I can say though is that when you push through the times you’re not feeling it and focused so much you can’t focus, keep pushing in and push in harder then ever before. 

I’ve heard the term “break through” and when I literally picture that, it’s always through something really tough in life, and it can only be broken through by leaning into the problem with Jesus’ full backing and using the strategies he lays out for us in his scriptures! 

Words that I’ve heard from God that have been helping me overcome.

  • Perseverance will lead to steadfastness.
  • Serventhood takes sacrifice. Serve in ways that are easy, but especially in ways that aren’t.

And these passages from the Bible!

  • Psalms 121
  • Psalms 91
  • The story of Daniel throughout his life.
  • Proverbs 18:21 and the fact that I get to eat of the fruit/experience the benefit of speaking life.

Btw: if your curious about what crew I’m with, check out crmovement.com 👌

Moon

I’ve looked to the moon and I’ve tried to fully understand how it works.At times it hides it’s loom, but it has the power to bring light to the dark.

When it’s setting the mood, or accompanying the stars, it’s simply not trying at all.
Now imagine with me for a moment that the moon started to try

That it was no longer mindless, that the man there of would wake and strive. 

He would shine for goodness and hide his face from evil. 

That he would bring peace and rest to parents and children equal.

That each morning, he would bow there to the sun. 
Let us not forget that the moon is just a reflection of the sun.

The sun is the center of the solar system, 

But the moon serves earth and the sun all at once. 

When earth is filled with darkness, the moon gives a hint of what the sun has to show

Giving credit each morning to the one who gave the glow. 

Because this he knows, without light he is nothing. 

Without love, we are nothing. 

What will it take for us to serve like the moon. 
10/15

Dear Artist 

Dear artist, your expression is far more beautiful then any word, or even a thousand could express. As you create, wether it be with words, pottery, instrument or paint, you move into a place that others can enjoy and find a way to relate. Even though their minds are practical, they can escape into the art your mind and body join together to make.

Oh writers, your mind is filled with wonderful stories or essays or poetry or plays. Creations of literary art, that express how humanity was, should be or never could portray.Your diligence to detail and language is amazing, enjoying each word, and letting every one of them impact your life’s framing.

And to you, photographer, the artist of the century. The one who captures beauty in the moments many others leave unseen or strictly in their memory. Your eyes are tuned to a focus not even your camera can always capture, but if you can help it, it will not go un-captured.
And fashion enthusiasts and creators, as you mix and match, as you rip apart and reattach, as you discover or uncover, you put yourself into each inch that covers the canvas also known as your body. 
But artists of every form! Weather you enjoy the creation or stand in awe as your eyes and ears follow them, do not loose your humanity! Do not let your personality be so impacted that your heart can’t feel normalcy. I’ve seen it and felt it, and it changes your perspective if you step back and look at the path you’ve entered. 

Let your art be your expression, not your identity. If your art form was detached from you, would you be more then a corps? You see, Sometimes our art becomes our drugs that hide our insecurities, but the ironic part is, sometimes it just heightens them until all we seek is the perfect song that people will sing, the perfect picture that will get the most likes on the phone screen, read the right book that will make you forget your own pain, or wear the right thing to make people turn their heads to see. 

Let your identity be found in your laughter, your smile, your compassion and your love. Let it be found in your friendships you invest in, your joy and your hugs. 
Connect with reality, people, nature and the creator of it all and let your art be a pure expression of your life. Not the other way around. 
Artist, if we put a price tag on our art and our soul, to be sold to a buyer, which price tag would be higher? 
11/27/15

Mountain Biking: Restoration


Mountain biking has become a new passion of mine since the early fall of 2016. I haven’t gotten all the way into it quite yet so far, although this coming spring, I plan on getting more gear and spending a lot more time on the trails.

With the snow, cold weather and a popped tube, I was set off my game for about a month or so. I didn’t want that to go on any longer so this past Saturday, I decided that whatever the weather looked like, I was going out. 

Well, what Saturday brought me was a little bit of this:

It doesn’t look too bad from this vantage point, but after some close calls, spinning tires on the up hill climes and my chest nearly burning in peridox to the blisteringly cold weather, this was the moment I turned around. 

It more then one way, I hated the ride; the worst so far I’ve ever experienced, but I don’t regret taking the trip. I don’t regret it because I did it. I told myself I would and I did. Also, because I felt like I was dosing my touch on the bike and I was. I got back into grips with the whole thing, but I also learned some practicals.

  1. Like riding a bike, life flies passed so much faster then you’d like, the more thrilling and fun it is, the faster it goes by. The warning to this is if we loose track of our terrain, we can wind up in terrible pain, but if we don’t enjoy the little things along the way, we can find ourselves at the end wondering what even really happened and how we got to this place.
  2. Pain is temporary. The easy way is always available, but it’s not always rewarding. Risk the pain and you’ll get it, but enough tries and you will succeed. Risk nothing and you will possibly never find joy and always come out with a sense of meaninglessness.
  3. When you’re doing something positive and uplifting, you get positive and uplifting results, but when life around gets busy and we push aside the those important things aside, we find ourselves longing for something meaningful, but when we remember those things, if it’s mountain biking, or serving others, or getting in devotions, or eating well, and when we get back into them, we find restoration to our bodies and also restoration to our spirits! 

My encouragement is to push through the things you know you need to do that are hard. They might not always be enjoyable, but you will be rewarded! 

    Hopeful Romantic

    I’m a hopeful romantic. I watch movies on love and I’ve watched pornography. Pornography has nothing on the love stories. I don’t want anything shy of true love, because when I was young, I dreamed of it too. Sex was not what I longed for. I longed to lay arm in arm with my lover and spend time with my lover. I dreamed to fight for my lover and sacrifice for my lover. 
    When I was young, snuggling was my favorite thing and I never wanted anyone to feel sad or alone or anything like that. Not even my stuffed animals were safe from my comforting arms and neither was my mom. 

    My tiny arms would grab ahold of anyone if they wanted or not. I felt lonelier then ever, so I did all I could to keep myself on everyone to see we wouldn’t fall apart. But words pierced like knives and as I spread my arms wide, I found myself lunging into them heart first. 

    I’ve loved so many girls that I could loose track if I didn’t connect myself to them so deeply. I don’t know how I stretched my heart so wide through texts. Although my phone was taken away from me, it couldn’t stop me from trying to create love in places love would never be. 

    From girl to girl and picture to picture, love started distorting down to every pixel. I’ve never lost my heart for love, but years of distortion and restoring and destroying and relearning, my heart is a jumbled mess. 

    I want true love and nothing short of that. My heart knows that! My body doesn’t mind settling for a picture or video on the screen, but my heart beats louder and stronger and I don’t want any more sight of that distortion, but my heart is still soft, yet is shaped like a stone. It wants to shake off every lie it has been told but it looks like a rock and believes it’s hard and cold, even though it can feel the blood flow. It can hear the cry of love that’s untainted. 

    I want to love people. I want to love Jesus. I want to have a lover. I want to be a lover. 

    I’m far more fragile then I would like to admit, but I pray to God he will strengthen and renew me each and every day. I’m pushing through the grit and I’m pushing through the stones. I want so badly to be free. This time, there is freedom. I can feel it in my bones.

    I’m a hopeful romantic and this is just how it goes. Healing is a process, and I’ll sing every wrong note until I sing it right or the trumpet blows. That’s just how it goes.