Category: Life lessons

Adoption: Unfiltered Love

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m sure we all see someone act a certain way, or do a specific thing that just irks us.
One time, back in high school (I say that because it makes me sound grown up, or maybe convince someone I’m old enough to take advice from) in my public speaking class, our teacher assigned us a project to voice our pet peeve. It quickly turned into a tiring of rants, ranging from “chewing gum like a cow” to “mouth breathing” and always ending in a long line of driving annoyances. My point being, it’s usually not that hard for us to think of these things, because they are those few things that trigger us without too much warning, yet much consequence, either with an outward explosion that effects everyone, or an inward explosion that only effects the eyebrows and possibly the trajectory of the edges of a once present smile. 

But to bring it back in, I heard a a poem and it spoke about the struggles of anxiety. Now, I wouldn’t consider this to be a pet peeve by any means, but it does fit in the category for me of something I don’t handle well. I know it’s very well an issue that plages plenty of lives around the earth, but from the outside looking in, it’s really hard for me to understand or sympathize because my understanding doesn’t compute with the needs/patience it requires to be the best person for someone who suffers with anxiety. 

I said all that to set a backdrop for this thought that went through my head:

“I could never see myself being able to marry someone who as severe anxiety,” to be followed by another thought, “I hope I don’t have any kids who suffer from anxiety” to be lead by another line of thought, “well, if it’s addressed while they’re young, hopefully it won’t be as bad when they get older” to “but what if I adopt like I’ve said I want to do?”

This question struck me, and I didn’t have any answer, as if the other answers to the previous questions were really very good, but I thought about this concept, while I was warming the water to get in the shower. Adoption is really an amazingly hard, and amazingly amazing thing! Taking a child in that has had possibly no prior personal experience or maybe even recollection of seeing a good family, much less feeling loved by someone who is choosing you. Not just someone who wanted a kid, but someone who wanted YOU. 

Having recently gone through some personal self-condemning and feeling absent and unworthy of God, I couldn’t help think about the statement that he has adopted us into his family. Knowing all of our junk, all of our dirt, and and all of our downfalls, He doesn’t look at our weakness, but speaks life into our strengths. He sees our potential. Honestly, the other day when I first had this thought didn’t change me that much, but as it marinates in my mind, it gets juicier and more flavorful, because no matter how much I get myself down, Jesus is always there, encouraging and lifting me up out of a feeling of darkness. 

This motivates me even deeper to love children and even adults who haven’t ever experienced love in action toward them. 

Because I am loved, I love. 

But I Don’t, But I Will.

I want to fall in love with you, 

But I can’t, but I will. 

I long to really know you,
More then just your name and a few things about you.

I want to give you all of me

But I don’t, but I will.
How can I make me love you? 

You first loved me, but what does that mean?

I can’t leave you, I know you’re who I want and you fill all my dreams. 
But the rain always comes on the worst of days, 

and I feel that each time I escape, 

like a dog, I’m returning to eat my vomit.

I take peace and stomp on it.
Though I find myself running in circles, I’m running none the less.

And I’m not running on a track. Each time I run forward, I make it a little farther then the last.

On each turn back, when I’m bummed I even gave in, I don’t return as far as I did in the past.

This cycle is a process I know I don’t want to live in, but with each look back forward, 
To Love, Himself, my longing grows longer and my endurance grows stronger. 
It’s a love I’ve decided I won’t give up on.

It’s a love I will keep trying for,

A love that’s been died for.
I want to fall in love with you,

But I can’t, but I will. 

I long to really know you,

More then just your name and a few things about you.

I want to give you all of me

But I don’t, but I will.

Something you’re not: personable vs friendly

I’ve found myself, throughout my life, having a hard time being personable. (This is an observation, and it’s not a bad thing. I’ll explain more as I go on.) I’ve seen some people have such a smooth approach and ease with starting conversations, holding conversations, ending conversations and even walking away from a conversation. Unfortunatly, if I just met you or if we’re not really close friends, I will butcher from one to all of these steps.  

This dilemma had and does frustrate me to this day. If I see someone I graduated or went to school with, just picture a train trying to derail as he sees another coming up the tracks. No matter what he tries to do, he either crashes head on and burns, or derails, crashes and burns. Either way, not a good situation. (If you’re one of those people, I sincerely apologize and wish I could have changed the outcome of that conversation and I hope you can look past the awkwardness produced by every syllable produced from my lips.)

If that was a little melodramatic, it wasn’t by much, but my point is, I’ve seen so many people approach the situation and walk away unscathed and with ease. 

This had also caused me frustration in teaching, talking to girls (mostly in high school. I’ve not so recently decided to put that on hold, but that’s for another topic) to meeting new people, etc. 

The thing that’s amazing though is this:
It’s ok to not be personable! It’s definitely a gift, but absolutely not necessary for life. This is what really gets important when the rubber hits the road; are you a good friend?

It’s one thing to be personable, but if you can’t be a good friend, your life will be filled with shallow acquaintances and void of true, reliable, relatable friendships that really have your back. The crazy thing is I’ve been there in a way, because I balanced out my person-ability with acting outlandish and loud and humor in some way, shape or form. 

Being friendly is less of a skill or a gift and more of a mindset in a way that develops into your character. Being a friend in short is the following:

  • Listening
  • Being there when it’s not convenient
  • Not focusing on relationship effort balance
  • Giving thought out and/or prayed through advice 
  • Donating your time
  • Doing all these things, even when you can’t get something back

That’s some really simple, yet externally challenging tasks, but what people need these days are true friends. What our generation needs are true friends. 
Are you personable?

 If yes, don’t hide behind it. Use your gift. Be a friend too!

 If no, don’t worry! Try your best (and prayer never hurts) and if it falls flat, be a friend! People need you. 

Are you a friend?

There’s Something About…


This city is a city I’ve been to only once before. The reason might be clear by the picture, but I joined 3 friends on a quest to the west to see a Pirates game, but of course, they were playing my favorite team, the Atlanta Braves. 

Interestingly enough, the baseball game was one of the smallest highlights so had from the trip, followed only by the three and a half hour drive. 

I’ve found that road trips, events, and even sitting on a couch doing nothing can be made or break, depending on who’s there with you. 

This trip, I was with four people I appreciate and am extremely thankful for their presence in my life. One being family, one being a best friend, another being an old friend, currently living/schooling in Pittsburgh and another being a younger friend that I hope to say (maybe seem to) looks up to me, even though I can prove to be childish at times. 


I say that to say:

  • hold on to those who care.
  • Invest in others, even if you don’t know if they’ll ever invest back, just for the sake of love. Friends like these are just a bonus.
  • Don’t overlook the small and the big moments. They all have an opportunity to impact or even change your life. (I have merit to talk on this. People dressed up in parrogies running around a baseball field on its warning track got me the most excited I’ve been in weeks.) 
  • Play cards (or whatever game they play) with an older person. There’s an exchange that happens that you can’t see with your eyes. You give them hope, they give you wisdom. You give them joy, they give you peace and laughter. You give them time, they give you love. (At least that’s what I’ve experienced, as recently as playing cards with Andrew’s great aunt.)
  • Always wear your helmet and obey your mama. She always knows best!

There’s something about a road trip!

Freedom: Found 

Freedom isn’t found in a date. It’s found in His name.

This phrase has repeated in my mind for the past week, and I’ll tell you why:

I’ve grown up in the church, I’ve experienced friends trying to overcome drugs and I’ve heard so many stories of people (including myself) who want freedom from anything if it’s lazieness to porn and they want it now and for good. 

This isn’t a bad thing, but actually, a necessary step into freedom. There’s a very real move that we must step out of something, but often that step is looked at AS the freedom. You hear, “I’ve been clean since ____” (last week, last year, 6/7/16) and I am totally glad for those dates and those stories and testimonies of God’s goodness. What we have to remember through it all is to not put so much stock in a date. That if you slip up and lose that sobriety date, you don’t lose your freedom. 

I’ve seen myself totally forget and forfeit my freedom that I had for years because of shame and walked right back into my struggles and habits INSTEAD of standing on the promises of God, and declaring freedom in the name of Jesus Christ! 

The Bible says who the Son (Jesus) sets free is free indeed. (John 8:36) 

That means freedom isn’t temporary but is attainable for good! And expounding on what that looks like, the psalmist wrote “I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments.” (‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:45‬) because he understood this principle:

Freedom is an action word!

Freedom is found through daily surrendering our own motives and wishes to the Lord, becoming a slave to Jesus, because his load is easy and his burden is light, and giving up our slavery to sin, that is always heavy and never easy. 

The most important lesson I’ve learned though this is that:

  1. Sin (anything that separates us from fullness of life and fullness in our relationship with Jesus) is condemning and heavy. Aka, never fun in the end.
  2. Jesus wants me to be free and offers a way to get free!
  3. Freedom comes in a moment, but is acted upon for a life time.
  4. A slip up or backtrack or temptation doesn’t void your freedom. 
  5. Only you can void your freedom and only you can clame it!
  6. Freedom is not found in a date, but is found in following Jesus! It’s found in his name!

We all have the ability to accept the freedom God has offered us. Will you put your stock in your own willpower/date or will you put everything into the promises of God he laid out in his word and through his spirit living in you? 

Free Ride:Ride Free

Free ride, when the open road meets the open air and the result is the feeling of gliding. This feeling is flying through forests without focus on the sides, clarity only in front and shrinking reality behind. 


Ride free, when with friends and family, you talk through struggles and reality. When riding is awesome, but freedom is what we seek! When we seek what is infront, what is good and perfect and just and pure and let what falls to the side, let it fade to the shores. As life shrinks behind us, may we not forget what God has done for us, but may we recognize where He’s brought us and seek together freedom through prayer and encouragement. 

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Today, I spent my afternoon with my dear friends and family, Hunter, Andrew and Stephen. We engaged in an activity together that we all enjoy, and I can only speak for myself, but I would say we experienced freedom through it! I just love biking in general, and the fact of being in nature is always freeing for me, but also, opening up your heart to people you trust, I know, is always a good thing! 

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. -Psalms 103:1

On Tour: CR


This morning, I woke up in NYC on a couch bed with a dude I just met 6 days ago in a room full of friends new and old on the second floor of an Assemblies of God Ukrainian church. If I wasn’t with the Circuit Riders on tour, this probably would be weird, but for some reason, I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. I got a bagel, with locks cream cheese, spent some time in my Bible and prayer and came back for band practice. 

I got to this point after nearly a week of meeting and getting to know people, along with my fair share of insecurities and acceptance issues, but each person here is a world changer. 

I joined this team to unify and reach college students on their own campuses and join with them in believing that God can change a heart to his as well as a nation to him. 

What I’ve found in a place like this is it stretches you, because when you’re believing this for someone else, you have to also believe it for yourself. What I’ve seen in myself is that I spend a lot of my energy focusing on myself. The biggest problem with this is that I get so crippled by this because it takes 90% of my focus off of God and putting it on the thought “I can’t focus on God.”

We’re most free when we throw ourself into God’s love and go from that place in radical service. In those places is where I’ve always found myself full of joy! But what does that look like? How do we get out of that funk? That’s kind of an answer I’ve never been able to answer. What I can say though is that when you push through the times you’re not feeling it and focused so much you can’t focus, keep pushing in and push in harder then ever before. 

I’ve heard the term “break through” and when I literally picture that, it’s always through something really tough in life, and it can only be broken through by leaning into the problem with Jesus’ full backing and using the strategies he lays out for us in his scriptures! 

Words that I’ve heard from God that have been helping me overcome.

  • Perseverance will lead to steadfastness.
  • Serventhood takes sacrifice. Serve in ways that are easy, but especially in ways that aren’t.

And these passages from the Bible!

  • Psalms 121
  • Psalms 91
  • The story of Daniel throughout his life.
  • Proverbs 18:21 and the fact that I get to eat of the fruit/experience the benefit of speaking life.

Btw: if your curious about what crew I’m with, check out crmovement.com 👌

“Don’t Stop Writing”


This phrase to me has a lot of significance. My friend, Kami made this wood burned plaque for me by request (she is raising money for her missions trips, one way being wood burnings. Let me know if you want her info to support her and get some awesome art!) and I asked for this message because it has become more than an encouragement to me and has become a mandate.

Let me back up some few years ago. I always enjoyed writing, always disliked reading. I don’t understand it either, but it happened! I would as a child sing songs of my own creation and forget them. If only I could go back and write down all those silly and serious songs, I would fill a book. 

I wrote for school and randomly other stuff, but was mostly inspired to write by an artist, Levi the Poet and others that performed their poetry along with musicians or sound tracks. I was also inspired by different bands and song writers, journals from people long dead and some teachers in school, including my mother.

Somewhere around my 10th grade year, I started writing poetry, but always just for girls I liked. I also tried to start a band that was a flop around that time, but it wasn’t until my senior year where I really started to break out in creativity and write music with my banjo and voice and poems that all were more personal and relatable and introspective and outward viewing as well. Much of my work now a days resembles this style, with verious word pictures and such, and it has all grown from a place of growing passion, longing for authenticity, and mostly just drive to write. That drive came from a realization that as I write, I learn more of myself.

Don’t Stop Writing!

For about one year, I was writing and sharing my work. After hearing it for the first time, probably 10-15 people, maybe more said that quote to me before they said anything else. I quickly realized that that wasn’t a normal response since after that year, I haven’t heard it since. The reason I think that it is significant is because I believe God was encouraging me through his people to not stop writing.

Through the past few years, I have found that when I am actively writing, if it be journal, poetry, music or this blog, I have a deeper understanding in everything I do because I am able to process everything through words on a page (or a screen) and it is my outlet and platform I’ve been able to share love, share encouragement, friendship and Jesus. 

What does this mean for you as the reader? 

Don’t Stop ______!

You can’t give up. If it’s writing, don’t Stop Writing. If it’s loving, don’t stop loving. If it’s serving in some way, don’t stop. 

I believe we all have passions and giftings that are from our creator, and when you find them, use them! If you’re already a follower of Jesus, give your desires and gifts to him and he will bless you with pure intentions and purity in your gifts and passions!

Also, if you’re like me, WRITE! You can’t afford not to at least write something. If you can, write down your thoughts, feelings, prayers, etc. as often as you can without going overboard. You will learn more about yourself, more about how your Creator thinks of you and be able to follow the progress as you grow and learn and age. 

If you’re like me, “Don’t stop writing!”

Moon

I’ve looked to the moon and I’ve tried to fully understand how it works.At times it hides it’s loom, but it has the power to bring light to the dark.

When it’s setting the mood, or accompanying the stars, it’s simply not trying at all.
Now imagine with me for a moment that the moon started to try

That it was no longer mindless, that the man there of would wake and strive. 

He would shine for goodness and hide his face from evil. 

That he would bring peace and rest to parents and children equal.

That each morning, he would bow there to the sun. 
Let us not forget that the moon is just a reflection of the sun.

The sun is the center of the solar system, 

But the moon serves earth and the sun all at once. 

When earth is filled with darkness, the moon gives a hint of what the sun has to show

Giving credit each morning to the one who gave the glow. 

Because this he knows, without light he is nothing. 

Without love, we are nothing. 

What will it take for us to serve like the moon. 
10/15

Mountain Biking: Restoration


Mountain biking has become a new passion of mine since the early fall of 2016. I haven’t gotten all the way into it quite yet so far, although this coming spring, I plan on getting more gear and spending a lot more time on the trails.

With the snow, cold weather and a popped tube, I was set off my game for about a month or so. I didn’t want that to go on any longer so this past Saturday, I decided that whatever the weather looked like, I was going out. 

Well, what Saturday brought me was a little bit of this:

It doesn’t look too bad from this vantage point, but after some close calls, spinning tires on the up hill climes and my chest nearly burning in peridox to the blisteringly cold weather, this was the moment I turned around. 

It more then one way, I hated the ride; the worst so far I’ve ever experienced, but I don’t regret taking the trip. I don’t regret it because I did it. I told myself I would and I did. Also, because I felt like I was dosing my touch on the bike and I was. I got back into grips with the whole thing, but I also learned some practicals.

  1. Like riding a bike, life flies passed so much faster then you’d like, the more thrilling and fun it is, the faster it goes by. The warning to this is if we loose track of our terrain, we can wind up in terrible pain, but if we don’t enjoy the little things along the way, we can find ourselves at the end wondering what even really happened and how we got to this place.
  2. Pain is temporary. The easy way is always available, but it’s not always rewarding. Risk the pain and you’ll get it, but enough tries and you will succeed. Risk nothing and you will possibly never find joy and always come out with a sense of meaninglessness.
  3. When you’re doing something positive and uplifting, you get positive and uplifting results, but when life around gets busy and we push aside the those important things aside, we find ourselves longing for something meaningful, but when we remember those things, if it’s mountain biking, or serving others, or getting in devotions, or eating well, and when we get back into them, we find restoration to our bodies and also restoration to our spirits! 

My encouragement is to push through the things you know you need to do that are hard. They might not always be enjoyable, but you will be rewarded!