(This post flows from the previous post. If you’re curious, check out the last post to glean a more rounded understanding of my thoughts if you so wish. I will summarize in a stanza the gist of my previous post titled “God didn’t call me to be honest,”)

I have realized that honesty is important, but can also cause me to distract myself from changing. While I spend much time explaining myself and opening up, in this past year, it shifted from honesty, leading to change, leading to freedom to honesty leading to empathy, leading to stagnancy leading to honesty and so on. In essence, I was mistaking honesty for being holy, and oh was I wrong.

Now, I’m 21 and I’ve learned a lot. I don’t pretend to remember most of it or to live by it, but I’ve learned a lot about life and Jesus and myself and such, and when I looked at myself the other day in relfeaction, I realized my path was diverging from holiness to hypocrit. This is honestly my biggest fear; thinking I’m serving God, but through my meaningless pursuit of fixing situations through simply and almost exclusively talking about my troubles and struggles and what I needed, I found myself looking a lot like the religious people in the early New Testament. I hated this realization, but at the same time, am so glad for it. There’s nothing worse then thinking you’re right and being dead wrong. This has helped me realize why my joy has turned to fatigue and my hope has turned to criticalness, but I hid it behind positive words and such. 

Let me take a step back for a minuet though. This wasn’t like a switch and it definatly isn’t a complete and utter failure on my part. There has been victories and I’ve learned a lot about self control and prayer and faith. These realizations have just brought me to the next place in my life and I thank God for being here with me through my stubbornness and failures. 

Back to the point of all of this:

A lot of people who read this probably know that Holy means set apart. God in so many places calls people into deeper love with him. He has people doing crazy things that require crazy faith all throughout history, from the beginning until now. He calls people to follow him and love like crazy, to be set apart for a purpose and to be in this ever changing world as a symbol of constantce and truth.

May I be found amidst the few that stand for holiness, who heal the sick, cast out demons,raise the dead and lead people to Jesus all in his name for his glory, and live a life set apart for his glory and honor, laying down my own passions for a crown of glory.

I would hate to just be that guy that was super honest. 

My life in the past few years has been quite the rolar coaster. Not anything like the superman ride at sixflags or anything,  and maybe not even a rolar coaster. Maybe just a ride like the tea cups. It’s quite exciting, with ebs and flows, but in the wrong circumstances can just be nauseating and feel like you’re going around in circles and as you see others enjoying it, you feel it must cause joy but it just feels like pain and pointless. 

2015 felt a lot like the tea cups in the best way possible! Seeing things that were hurtful, finding freedom, learning, growing, asking people for foregiveness, discovering gifts and passions, seeing people healed right in front of me in Jesus name from prayers of others and prayers of my own and so much more exciting stuff! Yea, I got bumped around a little bit, and it wasn’t all flower peddles and gumdrops, but I expected that! That was no big deal. Besides, how could I even think to complain in a situation like that when everything else is just freedom upon freedom.

2014-15 was such a growing time for me. What I learned from disshonesty and hiding things and all kinds of stuff in 2014, and from a lot of decipleship moments through Carry the Love tour and 21 project (two places I really learned a lot from different people. Google them if you’ve never heard of them, they’re awesome.) through fasting, praying and church family; from all that, I learned the importance of honesty. 

I LEARNED THE IMPORTANCE OF HOESTY

I learned that honesty was a wonderful thing that frees us from bondage. It gives others the opportunity to pray for me and encourage me. What I learned in 2016 is that honesty can be a destruction from movement. 

HONESTY CAN BE A DESTRACTION FROM MOVEMENT

2016 has been a lot like those tea cups after you just ate a cheese stake and fries and you know you shouldn’t have eaten the fries, but you did, because you paid for them and you couldn’t find it in your heart to throw them away. In 2015, I replaced a lot of troubles with honest change. In 2016, I replaced a lot of my troubles with honesty. 

Now I’m here, aproaching 2017 with a lot of excuses, a lot of honest moment, few moments of progress and a splash or two of shame. In this coming year, I don’t want to just expose my problems or talk about them. I don’t want to just open up about doubts or fears or temptations or love. I want to be stay honest about them, and then take the next step: change. 

It’s time I put my struggles and hardships in the thrash can and not the recycling bin. I know more will come, but I’d rather conquer a thousand devils through the power of Jesus then let myself get hung up on 2 or 3 problems over and over again.

I’m not called to be honest, I’m called to be Holy.